A cry for help (Mormonism and LoLs)

[Snoggums]

So... I'm really, honestly sorry for coming off as a selfish bitch who thinks life sucks and yadda yadda yadda. But I'm asking for a little help here.

So I told you about that earlier event? Jessie's little brother finding condoms, and his parents got all freaky and stuff. They had a long talk with him today. They basically told him that he needs to move back with them, become a good Mormon boy, and, oh yeah, that I'm a path to Satan or whatever.

So, he's trying to think his life out right now. He's deep in thought, whether or not he wants to do what his parents say or just be more open about his life. (No one at his work, or anywhere doesn't know he's not planning on going on a Mission, and they all kind of expect him to)

TMI ALERT.
[spoiler]He currently has suspended all sexual activity between us because "we're not ready for it, I mean you (Kylie) aren't even out of high school yet". [/spoiler](Sorry for the TMI, the reasoning just royally pissed me off)

So, yes. He's considering Mormonism again. I told him I'd leave him if I did that, he got kind of confused. But, I'm sure you guys might understand my reasoning behind that.

I dunno what to do. I'm obviously not a fan of Mormonism, and being the strict atheist I am I just don't think it's a smart move. I'm fully supporting whatever decision he choses for himself, and I don't care or whatever. But essentially this can ultimately ruined the relationship I've been that committed to.

Any suggestions? Just keep going along with it? Tell him why Mormonism sucks? (I've already tried that, but, as usual, words failed me.)

Honestly, with the way his family is toward me now, I just don't know. His parents suggested we go on a break, but if that happens I know I won't go back to him.

[Genevra]

That's what you get for leaving me, betch. 

But man that really sucks. But really I'd just let him sort out his own issues for a while, it's ultimately his decision and his alone. I may be totally misinterpreting but he seems kinda like a momma's boy, and he either has to split from his family values and create his own or just confine to their Mormon values.

Alex might be able to help you a bit more, as he's going through ~similar issues~

[Snoggums]

come back to meh

I'm just gonna stick around and see what happens. I owe him that much, eh?

[Cythrosi]

Wow, I don't really know what to suggest.  You're pretty much going to have to let him choose between you or going back to the cult, unfortunately.  This is part of the reason the Mormon church disgusts me, they convince families to disown their kids simply for leaving the faith.  It's so terrible.

[Genevra]

come back to meh

As long as there's sexual activity.

[Clyde]

Well, if he does go on his mission, dump his ass.

I am speaking from experience.  Haha, no not my own experience.  My sister's experience.

Well, I will tell you what I know from memory.  This all happened back when I was in maybe grade 8-10ish.

Basically, back in the day my sister dated a Mormon.  Apparently he was a real rebel back in the day (I was completely oblivious... possibly because rebellious Mormons probably aren't all that rebellious) and my sister cracked him into shape and made him a good boy.  At least, this is my understanding and I could be completely wrong.  He was awesome and was a real likable guy.  I believe he may not have wanted to go on his mission originally, but my sister must have brought out the good in him and he ended up going.

My sister pretty much told him that if something happens and she finds someone else while he's away she would go for it.  Because, let's face it.  He's the high school sweetheart and he'll be away for two years.  Plus, I think she probably was ready to break up with him soon regardless.  My sister did end up finding someone else.  When he found out, things got insanely nasty.  Like crazy nasty.

Like all Mormons who go on their mission, they get slightly insane and extremely self-righteous.  It happened to nearly every member of their family (all 9-14 of them).

Long story short, if he goes on his mission, do not wait for him.  Preaching for two years can make Mormons go a little insane, and with you being an atheist, I just cannot foresee this ending well if he does end up wanting to fulfil the desires of his family and religion.  It will probably take several months for him to get back to normal after his mission anyways.  So you could be looking at not having a boyfriend for 2 years, and an annoying preachy boyfriend for another 6-12 months when he gets back.

Under normal circumstances, I would say if you like the guy, stick with him and you can probably learn to accept his faith or his beliefs.  But, given the whole family's outlook towards you and the possibility that you will not see him for a very long period of time if he does go on the mission, I would recommend against sticking with him.  Ultimately, he is going to have to choose between you or his family/church/community/Utah.  If he shows interest in not following through with his obligation to his church, and feels that you are more important than making his family happy or gain acceptance from them, then by all means stick with him.

I didn't expect to form some sort of anti-Jessie brigade, but really, I cannot see this ending well.  I would say accept him and his beliefs, but I cannot in good conscious knowing some of the several problems you could run into.

I'm just gonna stick around and see what happens. I owe him that much, eh?

...And since you posted this while I was typing away...

Yes.  Perhaps see what happens.  Don't end it right away.  But don't set up any unrealistic expectations of this ending up happily.

[Rosti LFC]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong by making him choose between Mormonism and you.

It's one thing to respect people's choices and blah blah blah, but none of that really applies in a relationship. From my own perspective at least, I couldn't live with someone who was Mormon. I could tolerate mild Church of England Christianity, because that's fairly down to earth and in touch with reality at least, but if they felt particularly strongly about it, or were with one of the more crazy sections then I'd probably not bother. If a girl was devoutly religious, then it just wouldn't work in the long run, and if it's definitely not going to work in the long run then I don't see much point in wasting time in a relationship that is always doomed to failure.

It sucks that his decision isn't as easy as just his religion or you, given that giving up is religion will mean giving up a whole shitload of family relations and there'll be other retarded consequences, but really that shouldn't be your problem. If he goes back to Mormonism then do you really think you can live with his religion and his family being in the relationship as well as you?

For convincing him why you're the better choice... I'm not sure yet. I've got to go to lectures now, will post moar later.

[Alex]

Find me on MSN later tonight. I'll do my best to be on and actually there.

[Jake]

I can understand where Jessie is coming from though by wanting to be on good terms with his family.  While I was dating Lindsay there was a lot of drama between my family and our relationship and while I thought it was worth it at the time, now that the relationship is over I'm glad I didn't alienate myself from my family over a high school girlfriend.  Kylie, you're going to go out and meet other guys that are a much better match for you than Jessie.  You still have college where you'll meet people and you'll have life after college.  If this is something that you can honestly see as like a lifelong relationship then by all means go for it, make him choose, but know that if it doesn't work out and he alienated his family in the process of trying to be with you, he might come to resent you for making him leave his family for something that didn't end up working out.  I feel like you need to take a step back and look at it from the perspective of an adult and not two teenagers in puppy-love.  If you had a child and they all of a sudden start dating someone that makes him/her go against everything you've raised them to be, wouldn't you disapprove?  I can understand where the parents are coming from, even though they're being a bit extreme about it.  I just think you both need to remember that you're teenagers, and 40 years down the road you're going to want to have some sort of family outside of each other to visit and have as a support mechanism (if you're even still together)
TL;DR I think you need to look as to where he's coming from, because he's the one sacrificing his family to be with you, and you're (not to sound like you guys aren't real or whatever but there's not really a better way to say it) just a high school girlfriend.

[Rosti LFC]

Jake bringing sensible and rational discussion to the table?

Didn't see that coming.

[Fluffy Cocaine]

I absolutely agree with Jake.

If you know you won't go back to him after a break, then it probably isn't worth it to begin with. I know you're committed now and everything, but it is firmly my belief that you are (and all of the rest of us are, too, for that matter) far too young to be making choices of that magnitude in your relationships now. It's a phrase I hate myself for most things, but it really does apply to this one -- you're still in high school. If it gets this heavy this early, it's not worth it. You've got a lot of changing left to do, and putting that much investment in a relationship this early when you don't know where you'll be standing five years down the road is a mistake.

I can't see this ending well in any situation, really. He'll either choose Mormonism and you'll have to break up with him and he'll choose you and essentially leave his family, which, regardless of the way the family treated him, is incomprehensibly difficult to do and permanently scarring. If he ends up blaming you for that, it could get really ugly.

I hate to say this, but it's my advice that you break it off now and just tell him that things were getting too heavy. He needs to figure out his life on his own. Don't push him or try to influence his decision at all--this is something that he needs to decide for himself. That way, if he decides not to go to the mission and to essentially leave the church, then you can start things up again if you still want to go back to him (I doubt you will, but you might) and if he decides to go to the mission and devote himself, you won't lose anything.

[Empirical Pussy]

I genuinely don't believe that any relationship is worth alienating yourself from your family. I don't believe that any relationship is, realistically, the "one and only". There are other people out there. Seriously, the whole "high school" argument aside... even if you 2 were adults with stable jobs/futures/etc, I would still stand by this.
If I was with someone who wanted to alienate himself from his family just to be with me... well, I don't know if I could put myself in that position. I wouldn't want to feel responsible for it, if you understand me. Family is family.
Now, if he alienates himself from his family because he doesn't believe in what they believe in... that's a completely different story, but shouldn't involve you (Snoggums) whatsoever. If he wants to make that decision, it's up to him, but it should be over the 1st degree issue of faith, not over the 2nd degree relationship that depends on the 1st degree issue... I hope this is making sense.

If I were you, I'd step back and let him work it out. If you stick around with him, then you're pressuring him (even if it's unintentional). But you say if you take a break, you're not going to go back... so... I guess that (in my opinion) doesn't leave you with much choice than to break up with him. Maybe down the road, you potentially get back together. Maybe you don't, and you both find someone better.

tl;dr i just want everyone to get along as best as they can

[SnickersTheCat]

To put it bluntly. It seems as if he's putting his religion before your conditions. Thus if you can't handle the fact he might go back to Mormonism then I think you should put some space between you and him for awhile.
Btw, I can't date any of you ppl b/c ur all Perfect Gentlemans n will burn in hell. Yay God.

[Snoggums]

So, I just talked to him and he went "Well, I've decided not to be Mormon anymore!"

And that was that. LMAO, it was really funny. He can spend time with his family and still be wit me and not be Mormon, so it works out. His family will have to come to terms with it sooner or later, eh?



Thanks for all the useless but insightful comments.

I love you guys.

[Cythrosi]

Eh...I don't think it will be that simple Snoggums, but I do wish you luck! :x

[Fluffy Cocaine]

Eh...I don't think it will be that simple Snoggums, but I do wish you luck! :x

Seconded. But I'm a cynic at heart; it may work out after all. Best of luck to you guys, I hope you make it through.

[Jake]

Eh...I don't think it will be that simple Snoggums, but I do wish you luck! :x

thirded.
It's never really that easy though is it?

[Snoggums]

Apparently I over reacted quite a lot. :x

[SnickersTheCat]

Apparently I over reacted quite a lot. :x

I'm optimistic.
There will be other roadblocks however this won't be one of them.
Congrats on working it out .

[Rosti LFC]

His family will have to come to terms with it sooner or later, eh?

But... they're Mormon...

I'm also sceptical of whether religion is fickle enough so that you can just throw it away for someone (or take up, for that matter). I'm pretty sure I couldn't just change my beliefs on a whim, even if I wanted to.